I'm Ready For My Closeup

The Hollywood Reporter has hinted that several producers are looking for the right vehicle for Sarah Palin, should she be "available" after the election.

Among the possibilities are:

A news program on Fox
"Red, White and Gucci"

An afternoon talk show
"The White Oprah"

Or a reality series featuring the entire Palin family
"Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"

Actually that one's already taken.

Going For The Bronze

First there were the Olympics, then came the Para Olympics.
Now, this weekend, Beijing will be hosting the
Global Financial Crisis Olympics.
World leaders from 45 European and Asian nations will be meeting to discuss the current financial situation.

Unlike the other games though, in place of competition they will be basically be working together to deal with

high hurdles, long shots and just pain treading water.

Hello Dehli

India has at last entered the space age.
Chandrayaan-1 blasted off for the moon shortly after dawn Wednesday as the entire Indian nation watched on television.

Scientists applauded and hugged each other.
"Today we proudly go to into space to unravel the mysteries of the Moon."

In a related story, Lewis and Clark set out to discover the Northwest Passage.

How Do You Spell Recession?

The Republican National Committee has reportedly spent more than $150,000 to clothe and accessorize Sarah Palin and her family.

Bill O'Reilly has signed a new contract with Fox News. Four more years at ten million a year.

85 year old Viacom chief, Sumner Redstone and his wife of five years are divorcing. The split was amicable with the ex Mrs. Redstone, 46 year old Paula Fortunato, receiving at least $5 million.

And in other news...
Joe Six Pack is down to one Tall Boy a day
Joe the Plumber has pawned all of his tools except for his plunger
and Main Street will now be one way and a dead end.

Honey, Is That You?

The polls continue to show falling numbers for the GOP and the "Republican Male" is feeling a bit 'down'.

Not to fear. It's happened before.

After a failed 1996 bid for the White House, Bob Dole reversed the sagging 'ego's' of these red blooded Republican males when he began shilling for Pfizer and doing Viagra ads.

If the Republicans end up losing this election, look for a similar 'rise' in attitude soon after with ...

"Sarah in the Morning"

The new star of Right Wing talk radio. Guaranteed to get you up and raring to go.

Republican housewives. Hang on to your hats.

More Fashion and Politics

Mr. Blackwell, the fashion designer best know for skewering celebrities about their fashion faux pas on his 'Worst Dressed' list, died on Sunday at the age of 86.

It was a bit of a blow to the McCain campaign as they were looking for Mr. Blackwell's endorsement to counter that of General Colin Powell's endorsement of Barack Obama.
Even more stinging were Mr. Blackwell's last words.

"Tell Ms. Palin to lose the glasses. She looks like Charles Nelson Reilly in drag".

What Price Vanity?

Fashion rarely follows politics, but as in so many other things, this year is different.

Women are wearing 'Sarah' glasses and displaying big smiles.

Democratic men, like 'Joe the Senator', are getting hair transplants and displaying big egos.

Republican men, like their new hero, 'Joe the Plumber' are shaving their heads and displaying big ass cracks.

Set em Up Joe

They all have their favorites.

Sarah has 'Joe Six Pack'.

McCain has 'Joe The Plumber'.

Barack Obama has "Joe The Running Mate'.

That leaves the rest of us with

'Joe: the guy who couldn't afford a plumber so he just said "screw it" and went out and bought a six pack.'

When I Was Your Age

It looks like the "Girls Next Door" are out the door.
82 year old Hugh Hefner is reportedly restocking the Playboy Mansion.

The octengenarian stud has replaced his 'older girlfriends' with 19 year old twins, Kristina and Karissa Shannon.

At this rate it won't be long before Hef is not the only one at the mansion wearing diapers.

Quiet On The Set

As the elections go into the home stretch, several movies are coming out to take advantage of the political circus.

Oliver Stone is about to release W, his version of the Bush story starring Josh Brolin.

Before Sarah Palin's fifteen minutes are up, Larry Flynt is rushing out a porno pic starring a Sarah Palin look a like. (Rich Lowry's pick)

And Documentary film maker, Ken Burns, is putting together a film about the voters themselves.

"The McCain Mutiny"

Yo Quiero Dinero

Financial woes are everywhere and the belt tightening has begun.
This weekend, while the G7 met in Washington and European leaders met on the other side of the Atlantic, worried Americans made great sacrifices.

While pushing Beverly Hills Chihuahua to the top of the box office charts, at the concession stand they opted for the small box of Jujyfruits

Now When I Snap My Fingers...

When asked what they would do if they were to lose this year's election, Senators McCain, Biden and Obama, all said that they would return to Washington and continue to faithfully serve their country.

Governor Palin has said that she would return to Alaska and has invited her newly found faithful to follow her there.

"When they arrive I will personally greet each and every one with a nice glass of Kool Aid".

More Please

Last month insurance giant AIG received an 85 billion dollar bailout from the federal government and promptly threw a bash with $400,000 of it.
This past week they notified the government that they would need an additional 37.5 billion dollars.

When asked to explain, a company executive said,
"Well, we have our Christmas party coming up and then there's New Years Eve. Oh and of course we all get year end bonuses too".

Put It On My Tab

The US government's debts have risen so high that the National Debt Clock near Times Square has just run out of spaces to add more zeroes.

The clock's owners have been trying to replace it with a newer and bigger clock but have so far have been unable to secure the credit needed to make the purchase.

No Voter Left Behind

There is an unlikely new Political Action Group emerging from this years election season.

'Rednecks for Obama'

Formed by Tony Viessman, and Les Spencer, the group has set it's sights on lower income, beer-bellied, gun-toting, NASCAR fans who have had enough of business as usual in Washington.

To counter this loss of voters, the MCain campaign has formed a group just as unlikely.

'Domestic Terrorists for McCain'

So far they have "Squeaky" Fromme and Ted Kazinsky.
Charlie Manson is still undecided.
Unfortunately they are all in prison and cannot vote.

Bill Ayers has applied for status as a 'Redneck'.

And Then I Wrote...

The Stock Market's Down
Unemployment's up
and there's Gloom and Doom all around.

On the bright side:

Look for a lot of great new Blues and Country songs over the next few years.

Yea My Bucket's Got a Hole In It

Here For You

McCain's been having a hard time keeping the Pit Bull on a short leash and Palin's negative campaigning has started causing negative reactions among voters.

His staff has begun suggesting a different campaigning style.
Something much subtler and more subdued.

"We want you to campaign for John just like Hillary campaigns for Barack."

"You know, almost like you're not even there."

Uno Mas Por Favor

In order to make watching the Presidential and Vice Presidential debates more exciting, gatherings around the country have included a drinking game during the debates.
Whenever you hear one of the candidates say a certain word or phrase, you are required to take a drink.

At last night's debate in Nashville:

If you were waiting to hear the word 'Maverick',
you're probably still looking at a full bottle.

If you were waiting for either candidate to use the word 'Fundamental',
you probably got a pretty good buzz.

If you were waiting for John McCain to say "My Friends',
you never even heard the second question.

And you're probably not at work today either.

Look!! In The Air...

Which of the following are true?

Henry Paulson will be unbiased in his bailout handouts.

Sarah Palin was a Geography major.

The UFO Dennis Kucinich saw was really the
Ghost of Reaganomics

Mud Wrasslin

Things are getting nasty in the Presidential race.

Republicans are saying Obama is a Muslim with terrorist ties.

Democrats are saying that McCain is an out of touch old man with a geographically challenged moose hunter one heart beat away from taking over.

Appropriately enough, the new moderator for Tuesday's debate
will be Jerry Springer.

Change We Can Count On

Sarah Palin may not have made it to Washington yet, but she's already trying to change things.

"When I visited the White House recently I noticed that they had a glass ceiling there, and it had about 18 million cracks in it....So I fixed it."

Sarah, Get Me The Mayor

Sarah Palin has gone on the offensive.
She is accusing Barack Obama of "palling around with terrorists."
In a last ditch effort to repair their sagging poll numbers, Republicans are also trying to link Obama with Somali pirates, Wall Street bankers and O.J.

The best the Democrats can counter with is that they have seen Palin palling around with 'Floyd the Barber'.

Snake Eyes

13 years to the day after O.J. Simpson was acquitted in the murders of his ex-wife and her friend, he was found guilty on 12 counts of armed robbery and kidnapping stemming from a confrontation in a Las Vegas hotel room last year.

After the verdict was read, Simpson was led away in handcuffs and allowed one phone call.

He called Henry Paulson.

"Sorry Juice, we're all out of bail money."

It's Still On

Joe Biden failed to deliver the knock out punch that most Democrats were hoping for at Thursday night's Vice Presidential debate. Although many were surprised, no one is more disappointed than future Palin in law, Levi Johnston.

"Dude, it was looking like I was gonna dodge this one.
I guess this means the wedding's still on."

Live From St. Louis.....

After much wrangling and gridlock, Congress believes that they might have finally come up with a solution to the financial crisis.

This Thursday's Vice Presidential debate will now be Pay Per View.

"With the revenue and the residuals and all the DVD sales from this baby, we could bail out Wall Street and still have money left over for the special interests...er, I mean tax payers."

If they could just get the foreign rights, they'll be knee deep in it.

Anything But Blue

Today could prove to be a busy day for all the 08 candidates.

While Obama will be in Wisconsin, McCain in Missouri, Biden in charm school and Palin in boot camp, they may all have to alter their schedules at some point during the day.

Obama, McCain and Biden may have to rush back to Washington to vote on the latest bail out bill.

...and Sarah Palin may have to rush back to Anchorage to vote on what color to repaint the old zamboni.